Thursday, July 30, 2009

I watched "The Bachelorette". Yeah, I said it.

I have only ever watched 3 full seasons of the 13 that have aired between both the men and women of this show. I've just caught snippets of all the other seasons because, let's be serious, I like to keep my finger on the pulse of pop culture.

I have to admit that I almost always enjoy The Bachelorette over The Bachelor. It just seems like the guys who go on the show looking for love and marriage almost never are in actuality looking for either of these things.

I'm not judging, honest. I mean if I were a dude I would be all about going on a show where I would get to go on a two month spree of drinking, making out with 15 + hot girls. Then when I'd finally narrowed it down to 3, getting to have "fantasy"( I'm pretty sure we all know what this is a euphamism for) dates with all three. You aren't in trouble when the girls find out because, oh wait, all the girls know about each other and in fact knew that this was going to happen before they ever signed up. This sounds like what man heaven is probably described as. Well, non mormon man heaven.

Let me qualify by saying that I know this whole show is just so wrong on so many moral levels. Trash T.V. at it's finest.

While The Bachelorette follows this same pattern, in general I feel like the woman who says she is there to find love and marriage actually is. This is one of the reasons why I like it better. Maybe it's my romantic nature, most likely it's just a way for me to feel better about watching all the debauchery. Somehow I justify that it's ok because it has a good purpose. Love! Marriage! Hooray! I know, I know, it's just something I tell myself so I can sleep at night.

While browsing MSN this week I came across an article "Why 'The Bachelorette' Is a Sham" by Diane Vadino. On many points I completely agree with her, the premise itself is a bit of a sham. It did feel a little obvious to me that Jillian had a clear favorite in Ed. I also agree that the concept of the show,by it's very nature "forces" love and intimacy in a 2 month span.

But here is where I become baffled. Diane says, "Because this is a rebuttal of the truest truism in the dating universe: Men react poorly when affection is demanded of them. Women, I think, can be cajoled, and convinced. (I'm not saying it's good, or it's right, just that it's life.)"

Let's recap, these guys got to see what she looked like, they probably watched the previous Bachelor to see her personality, then after seeing something in her that interested them they came on the show. These guys didn't have affection demanded from them, they signed up for this. She said she was coming on this show to find love and get engaged and married. So doesn't she have a right, not to demand, but to expect that these guys are going to really be in it to win it? I don't see how this is so unreasonable?

"Men react poorly when affection is demanded of them." Men should be the pursuers, another reason I like The Bachelorette vs The Bachelor, so shouldn't the woman they are pursuing have an expectation of affection? If a woman is upfront about what she's looking for, i.e. marriage, kids, then is it demanding of affection to expect that the relationship she's in is heading towards that? If either party isn't interested in marriage, kids or not in a position to make it happen then it's time to cut your losses and move on.

I guess I'm just questioning the use of the word "demanded". It's true that men probably don't like affection to be demanded. Man or woman who likes having things demanded of them. I'm just confused as to how Jillian saying, I'm going on The Bachelorette to find the love of my life, get engaged, then married, and start a family in a year or so. Then she starts sending home the guys that don't seem ready for it, or won't tell her where they are at, while at the same time expecting those that are staying to be committed to a proposal and a life together at the end is demanding?

Here is the lesson I'm taking away from watching Jillian the bachelorette: Be super clear and upfront about where you are wanting to end up. Have as much fun as you can along the way. Expect that the guy you are with wants to end up the same place as you. Let go of all the ones that don't. Don't settle for anything less.


Unknown said...

I don't really watch these shows. Its one of the few trash TV shows that I don't. But I have seen it in the past. So with that context, my only comment here is that I think most of them are there to be on TV and maybe mess around a bit. Sure if love happens, "accepted!" But I'm not sure how many are really there for that.

Devry said...

i think the lesson you took away form the Bachelorette is right on. And yes, I watched too! So did Quinn for that matter.

Tropicanna said...

Obviously I watched this show with you, for the first time ever. I agree with you. But, I still like Reid the best.

The MacMizzles said...

Linds- Let me just say how brilliant you are! Your writing just drew me in, and I had to read this post.

Is it TMI if I say my husband has never denied, felt guilty about or judged me for demanding affection? Men enjoy affection. I'm with you, I find it weird.

Jake and Steph said...

Well said, sista!